Welcome aboard! Your description of the 27 blade locked carts certainly speaks to a sense of humor hiding in there. You'll fit in great around here! Jump right in - read - post - ask questions and.........brace yourself for the odd passing shenanigan!
Welcome to the den. Head on over to the dark side. The guys over there are ready to lead you down the rabbit hole of str8's
Check out whipped dog. Sight unseen Razors can be had for under $30. Highly recommended, and affordable.
+1 for the Sight Unseen straights. They won't be beautiful, probably won't be a know brand. From my experience you'll get a shave ready razor that'll work! Good starting criteria; 5/8" round point.