Oops..Pardon the Pun..or Not...

What do you call a detective who's been electrocuted?

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Sherlock Ohms

 

I never liked the chicken dance either.

 

What do you do for s sick chemist?

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If you can't helium or curium, you may have to barium.

 

Did you hear that one in elementary school?

 

Guy says to his friend: It's not my sister, not my brother, but it's the child of my father and mother. Who is it?
Friend:-duhhhh, I dunno.
Guy: ME.

His friend finally gets it and goes to a perfect stranger a few feet away.
Guy: Hi there. Listen to this...It's not my sister, not my brother, but it's the child of my father and mother. Who is it?
Stranger: duhh I dunno.
Friend of first guy: That man standing right over there who told it to me!!!

 

You bet your brass I did.

 

Singing opera in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

 

Once when I was little I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

 

It's hard to lose a lover when your heart is full of hope. But it's worse to lose your towel when your eyes are full of soap.

 

Why did the leprechaun carry a shamrock?

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Because he couldn’t get a real rock.

 

What's a kid's favorite candy on the playground?

Recess pieces.

 

That's a good one.

 

Lets have a round of apaws please..

 

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Witch

Witch who?

Gezundheit!

 

Y'know, I don't think I can come up with a word-sound for my sneeze.

 

Did you hear that NASA discovered a feline life form on Mars? Sadly, it got run over by one of the rover vehicles. So, yeah, Curiosity killed the cat.

 

What do you call a little bug in a metal suit?

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A gnat in shining armor