Rules to live by.....

1. Look before squatting/sitting. (80% of all spider bites from camping/outdoors activities are on the rear end.)
2. Always, always suck up to the older brother and/or father of the signifiant lady in your life.

 

1. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
2. When you come to a fork in the road, it's best to pick it up.
3. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

That reminded me of one...
Beware the light at the end of the tunnel. It's probably an oncoming train.

 

I'd suggest a rephrase of your #1: the hot peppers are just hot enough when they make you break out in a cold sweat AND your nose starts running. Happened to me today. The green salsa they make down here is really, really good.

#2. Never pass up an opportunity to nap.

#3. Never turn down bacon.

#4. Beer is good. (In moderation).

 

...with your bear.

 

You are correct, however, the runny nose and cold sweat is secondary. The first reaction is immediate hiccups.

 

If opportunity doesn't knock. Build a door.

 

From my uncle on his farm, "Don't get bit by a poisonous snake, and don't poke the bull with a sharp stick." Everything else, I guess, was fair game, and we treated it as such, with the scars from barbed wire, horse kicks, cut feet, limb impales, horse throws, firecracker burns, etc, etc, to remember it by.

 

4. If it is running faster than you, run it down and eat it.

 

1: never say anything you would regret. Words hurt and even though we may forgive each other scars remain.

2: always take one day a week for yourself, to relax and recharge. The mind needs to have quiet time to unwind or else we start getting depression, anxiety.

 

Here is one:

Take the dog's approach to life. If you can't eat it or mate with it, then piss on it and walk away.

 

And.... never trust a smiling dog.

 

And always, remember where the Huskies go..don't eat that yellow snow...

 

You're a poet!

 

Actually it was Frank Zappa..

 

Now I'm embarrassed that I didn't recognize Zappa. My first intro to him was '200 Motels'.

 

1. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lay down.

2. Army rule- don't be first, don't be last, and never volunteer for anything.

3. If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying.

 

Because in the Army, they'll volunteer you for you.