How's Your Day? - May 2013

Glad to hear there is no pain. I pray you heal quickly and there are no complications.

 

Jacque Cousteau totally looked looked like Jacque Clouseau

 

Eesh. Are you okay? Or did you push someone down a flight?

 

oh man! Glad you weren't badly injured. You must be a rainbow of bruises btwn the fall & cat attack

Speaking of cats, the fall's probably their fault-- we're so used to dodging feline obstacles on stairs that it's the unimpeded path that's truly perilous

 

They taste good?

 

Naw, too gamey. And if they're on lives 1-8, you're in for a world of hurt.

 

Actually, in all honesty, they remind of Chinese food truck chicken.

 

Only if your name is ALF. /flashback

 

Yeesh. I definitely agree with you there, JoAnna. Could you do us all a favor and take it easy the rest of the week? Remember it's only Wednesday.

 

That reminds me of this joke. You've seen it before, but pay special attention to the assassination attempt in the cat's journal.

The Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

 

Doesn't get much better than Mumford and Sons!

 

'spoze I should get busy with my job hunt.

 

You know, I once heard that there is a blacklist of people who are completely uninsurable. Jackie Chan has been injured so many times on the set of his movies that his name is supposedly the top name on the list. Please JoAnna, don't try to make #2. Hope the rest of the week mellows out for you.