The Haul: May 2014

So your new shave goodies have arrived huh?

Show 'em if ya got 'em!​

 

Wow... what an UGLY plane.

 

Ok, tomorrow is the FIRST of May and you know what the 'ol saying is:
"April showers bring May Flowers..." or something like that.
To honor this wonderful month—a month I not only had my first date with my wife 35 years ago (May 14), but actually wound up marrying her on the same date (the 14th of May) four year later— I decided to splurge and purchase my FIRST ever bottle of THE VEG....

Now I had no idea WHAT this green elixir could possibly smell like (lilac, maybe?), but at this point, price was no barrier to my curiosity! (plus the fact it was only $1.99 on sale at CVS).
I got home and proudly displayed the bottle to my beloved, and stated, "In honor of the month of our nuptials, I have acquired a highly prized potion from a local establishment, guaranteed to make faint-hearted women swoon and grown men cry in fits of covetousness....I present THE VEG!"
"The WHAT?...."
I then cracked the seal on the bottle and splashed a generous amount on my palms and vigorously applied it to my now-stinging jowls. "Lilac Vegetal...it is an aftershave of some notoriety."
She sniffed and replied, "It smells like baby powder. I don't want my man to smell like a baby's bottom..."

I took a good whiff of my hands and from the open bottle.
She was right.
Baby powder.
Who knew lilac was the fragrance of baby powder?

"Hmmmm....Lilac Vegetal PIF?" I wondered aloud.

 

It is called the flying Guppy by some people. They land in Indy sometimes.

 

Okay, so I jumped the gun a little.
Let me re-state the opener, "TOMORROW is the FIRST of MAY......etc, etc...

 

Hold off on the PIF.
Give the Veg a try now and then and it'll grow on you (and her).

ps. Baby's bottoms don't smell like lilacs.

 

Looks more like a beached porpoise.

It smells even worse on the skin and not like baby powder. Plus, I understand it causes any guitar in a 500 ft radius to spontaneously combust.

 

Yep, sure does!

 

And it's twice as nice... well, until you deleted one.

 

It's amazing how subjective scents are.

My take on veg is overly sweet, decomposing flowers covering an overly sweet, decomposing corpse. I literally had to fight back a gag reaction and jump into the shower immediately...

It was one of the most hideous things I have ever smelled, and I spent 3 days a week in an ice hockey locker room growing up.....

 

That's pretty accurate, actually.

 

They forgot to include the corpse

 

I like Master's Veg much better although I don't think Pinaud's is quite as bad as most folks do. I get baby powder and playdoh. If the wind is right, I'll catch some lilac too. Right out of the bottle though.....cat urine comes to mind, which by my estimate is a bit more tolerable than a corpse. Far better once it has had some time to dry down.

 

I see a potential marketing slogan for future use..."Lilac Vegetal—Cat urine comes to mind, but more tolerable than a corpse..."

 

You guys are so wrong on this one...

Lilac Vegetal - "It is like an ocean breeze mingled with the crisp, tangy fragrance of cool mountain air"

 

It's even funnier that this slogan actually undersells how bad it smells

 

I kinda sorta like the Veg. Not my absolute favorite, but in my rotation. Please send all Veg my way.

 

You have been chosen... or cursed. Whatever.