The wait is almost over. On my way to give the Soviet its best chance at shaving that I possibly can. I'll be back in a bit with the result of day one! Or, in the event you don't hear from me again, I'll just leave this here.
Last Shave Will and Testament
I, Neal Cox, being of questionable mind and incredibly sexy body, do hereby lay my hand to this will to dispense of my most prized possessions in the event of my untimely death due to cuts, nicks, severed arteries, or limbs. Should I fail to survive my encounter with the finest piece of Soviet engineering in the form of a straight razor that might actually cut something, I hereby bequeath the following:
To @
Bama Samurai – I leave my collection of memes, images and other assorted digital media used to fill space and detract from the shocking lack of content my posts on TSD sometimes display. May they be used to further distract and entertain members who really should have something better to do.
To @
Rufus T. – I leave the Aristocrat that spent such a good time in the woods last summer on vacation in the great Northwest and Canada. Such a good time, in fact, that it has been miserably depressed and spends its nights asking why it had to come back to the paradise that is St. Louis. May it provide great shaves forevermore in the calm and green woods that you, sir, call home. Oh, and I’m sending 100 Voskhods along, just to keep it company.
To @
Drygulch – I leave both the Rabbit and the Soviet that you so generously challenged me to try. Thanks to your encouragement I’m now just a bloody heap on the bathroom floor and SWMBO has never been happier. You might want to ask her for some of the insurance money as an extra fee for arranging my demise. Well played, sir, well played.
To @
clint64 I leave my Feather SS along with the remaining Feather Pro blades, and a few Kai blades as well. No matter what you say I know you want to try it. Now you have no excuse. Because if you don’t, my ghost will never rest until I find you and do it myself. Sleep well.
To @
HolyRollah – I leave you my strop. Lightly used, but it did serve well to prepare that fine Soviet you so lovingly honed to, well, ok, we’ll say perfection. I don’t blame you, my friend. An artist is only as good as the canvas he has to work on, and we handed you a lousy rotten canvas. Considering that led to my downfall imagine if a lesser honer would have honed it in a lesser manner. Sorry, I thought I had a run on honing puns and lines there but it, sadly, died almost immediately. Long may this strop enjoy real razors that come alive from your skill.
My collection of blades, especially the extras from my failed blade trials, I leave to the 30 day crew to divide up as you see fit. With over 1000 on hand you should find something there you like, or perhaps more fitting, you loathe with the hate of a thousand hells.
To @
Darkbulb – I leave the remainder of my razors. Not like you don’t already have 14 of each, but you can always use them for Ebay bait. I’ll throw in my Wolf Whiskers brush as well, just so you can save the cost of your 8th one of those.
My soaps I am taking with me. I have requested that they be cremated along with my remains so that I can enjoy the awesome aromatics of Tabac, MWF and Proraso for eternity. The left over Williams, however, is to be immediately removed by hazardous waste experts and placed in a secure facility to ensure that it becomes harmless over the next 1.4 million years of its half-life.
And finally, to the moderators, staff members and owners of TSD, many thanks for creating such a special place that we can all hang out, learn about shaving, talk about shaving, encourage over-buying of shaving supplies, and generally have a good time. Of course, without you, I’d still be alive, but I’m not one to hold a grudge. Especially now as I’m not even breathing when you read this.
A final note – at this incredibly sad and emotional time, let’s all remember that I gave my life to prove that Technique Trumps Tools! And, should I slowly bleed out while trying just one more pass with this incredibly horrid razor, know that I will have finally answered the question…”how defective must a tool be before technique fails”? The answer is that perhaps technique couldn’t trump the Soviet tool in my dying grasp, but the quest for Technique did indeed conquer the biggest Tool of them all. Me.
Farewell and may all your shaves be BBS.
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