TSA Agent: "Sir, what do we have here?"
Brian: "That's my travel razor."
TSA: "ID please."
<Brian produces ID>
TSA: "I see you're from California, sir. Don't you know that double-edge razor blades are prohibited in carry-on luggage?"
Brian: "Officer, that's not a razor blade. It's a Feather."
TSA: "A Feather? ...and this carriage bolt? What is that, a fountain pen?"
Brian: "That's a razor handle, of course."
TSA: "What about this nut and washer?"
Brian: "You see, that secures the bla..Feather to the bolt, er, handle."
TSA: "Let me get this straight. You shave with a F e a t h e r secured to this h a n d l e? With all the stuff hidden in a breath mint tin. This seems rather odd, wouldn't you say?"
Brian: "Well, yes, yes it is kind of odd for me. I usually rub some Veg on my face after the shave, and I didn't bring any with me."
TSA: "Being from California, I figured you were some kinda vegetarian."
Brian: "No...no...it's nothing like that. It's a popular aftershave, and you just can't get it in a 3.4 ounce bottle. It comes in quart-size jars."
TSA: "I see. It must smell great if you buy that much. What does it smell like?"
Brian: "Cat pee...but it sure feels good on my face, and my wife likes it."
TSA Agent calls on the radio, "security detail required at E-7, on the double."
Brian: "And, well, you see, I like to shave my face over and over...till it's smooth as a baby's behind."
TSA: "A baby's behind...of course, and then you rub cat pee all over it. And there's a plucked bird somewhere flying around without feathers. Sir, I'm placing you in the custody of airport security."
Brian: "Wait, wait, let's start over, can we? Long story, but my name is Neal, and I really need to get back to St. Louis...Hey, I can make you a great deal on a mattress... "
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