Oops..Pardon the Pun..or Not...

there'z only ONE vowel is his name.

 

Eh?..

 

it's A (Bylesma)

 

I think "eh" is technically a semi-vowel or maybe a schwa.

 

No I think the American eh..the huh..is more schwa like. The classic Canadian eh is closer to a contracted fonzie..

 

A contracted Fonzy huh? I've learned a new grammatical term.

 

I always figured the Hank Winkler sound was more like "AYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE"

 

While this is true, if you contract the 'AYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE' it can be pronounced eh..eh?..

 

No no no..... eh is for eh-pple.

 

Quest que sais eh-pple? Is that anything like eh-pple showers..

 

Oui

 

Winner buys the beers....

 

Winner buys the beers.....

 

I wonder what it'd be like to broadcast Curling on the radio(where of course you can't see the action).

 

Much like golf, I'd imagine... no more exciting that watching it.

 

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit
jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal
lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of the road
and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man
what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car
and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says,"Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny,
bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the
two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves
again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves, and repeats this again and again
and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,

"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..

"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."

 

Edit - it took awhile, but I found one even worse.

A research group was engaged in a study of longevity in mammals and had recently focused their attention on a particular species of porpoise, which they studied from their floating laboratory off the coast of Baja Mexico. They came to believe that, if fed just the right combination of nutrients, this particular porpoise could, in theory, live forever.

To put this to the test, they studied the world's flora and fauna to see if any naturally occurring organism would fit the bill. They finally narrowed the selection down to an unusual species of mynah bird, and they sent a team of researchers off to gather a specimen.

It turns out that the mynah bird in question was quite rare, living only in a single tree in Kenya. The research team finally arrived at the tree to capture a bird, only to find that the tree was surrounded by a pride of very hungry lions, precluding any reasonable attempt to approach and climb the tree.

A suggestion was made that the lions might be manageable if they could be fed, and a couple of fat cape buffalo were captured and offered to the lions. The hungry lions devoured the hapless beasts and lay down upon the grass to sleep and to digest their meal.

One of the researchers then gingerly tiptoed past the lions, climbed the tree, and had little difficulty capturing one of the mynah birds. He climbed back down the tree and walked past the lions to rejoin the group when a game warden appeared and arrested him for (what else)...

"Transporting mynahs across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."

 

That was so very bad it was good

 

Can I somehow get the last five minutes I used reading these back?