Feb. 4: Hell Week,
Episode 4: "Stupid, Stupid Blood"
Let me preface this report with an apology. I'm sorry. I still can't get myself to say why yet, but I can at least start by saying... I'm sorry. Today's shave with a brand new Personna, and next step down memory lane was with the Parker Variant. The adjustable razor was my last DE purchase, and was meant to fix every problem I've ever had with shaving--it didn't. In hindsight, I can easily say that technique trumps tools, but back then... the Parker Variant was going to fix everything. This is also the most expensive razor I own, and was given to me as a birthday present from my mother. I loved it immediately...
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... Beautifully dulled finish, solid, weighty, two-piece assembly, and adjustable. I shaved with the variant for close to two straight years.This one was purchased off the bay, and definitely looked lived in, but somehow that just added to the appeal of the thing.
Week 1 Set Up
- Blade: Personna Blue (1st shave--the bitiest of all Personna shaves for me)
- Brush: Kong
- Soap: Soap Commander "Drive"
- AS: Clubman Original
- Balm: Nivea Sensitive Cooling (the cooling balm that doesn't--still a great balm though)
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The Shave (I'm So, So, Sorry)
The first pass (WTG) was surprising for me. I put the head on my face and rotated till I was riding that cap. It was almost like those epic moments I always I always hear about, but have never experienced... "I went through my first stroke, and it was like I wasn't cutting anything at all!" I put the razor down and ran a finger over the area just to make certain, and sure enough...
I wasn't cutting anything at all. Oh well, there's always tomorrow. Ran it back and forth until it
was cutting, and proceeded with the shave--the rough, rough shave. Now I've had smooth shaves with the Variant, so I know there is a sweet spot, but I was
not finding it. And it was driving me crazy.
I did the cheeks and lower jaw on my left side--rough. I did the cheeks and lower jaw on my right side--rough. I did my neck on the left side--rough. I did the neck on my right side--rough. Lower middle neck, Adam's apple and upper-middle neck--rough, rough, rough. I'm getting more and more frustrated. Far left mustache, down to the corner of the mouth, and finishing down the chin--still rough. Far right mustache, down to the corner of the mouth, and finishing down the chin--still rough.
Then I hit the soul patch, started working my way down, and did something stupid. I somehow managed to place the blade down on my lower chin too hard, too vertical, and too... downward? Whatever. The result was that kick-back that throws the razor back up. Sure enough, a slice about 1/16th of an inch long. It wasn't a geyser or a gout that sprayed across the mirror, but it
did bleed, and didn't look like it wanted to stop. I mourned the loss of a scoring opportunity for a razor that I really do want to keep, and (here is where the apology comes)
then kept shaving.
I don't know how it happened. I really don't. All I can say is have you ever been stuck trying to figure out a problem with the computer or a phone or a kid's bicycle or whatever, and your better half said, "Are you coming to bed?" and you said, "Yeah, I'm fed up with this thing," and then suddenly it was 1:30 or 2:00 am as you slipped shamefully into bed, hoping your wife wouldn't wake up and know
for sure that she married an idiot? It was like that. My shave was broken long before the blood, and I was trying to fix it. I wasn't trying to avoid the consequences--honestly, they would have visually been almost unnoticeable. And even if they were, photos of a half shave make for great copy. Really entertaining stuff. It wasn't until I was putting my gear away that I realized:
omigosh! I finished the shave!.
So again, I'm sorry. I even toyed with the idea of pretending that I stopped--that's how embarrassed I was. So here, at least are what the results
would have been if they hadn't earned a score of Closeness is DFS/CCS, score: 2. For comfort, the shave left me with moderate irritation, score: 2. Even without the blood, today was a mediocre shave at best. The sweet spot seemed to be measured in microns, and I wasn't finding it.
I hope next week goes better, and I hope your shaves today are all infinitely more fantastic
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