Okay I'll leave the Old Spice out of it! that still doesn't change the fact that your mother was a hampster and your father smelled of alderberries!!!! (a great movie by the way):rofl
A Velva Adventure Despite the fact that the 1952 Vintage Aqua Velva Ice Blue gift set has been at Sally's Nu-To-You! gathering dust for three years, he speeds all the way down Dantreau Avenue, running three red lights on the way. Sally isn't there. Some other guy is behind the cash register. Some dicky guy. Reading a Penthouse right like that in the middle of the day. Just Vic's luck. Sally knows him and is as likely as not to give him a deal on the gift set. "Sally here?" asks Vic anyway. "Sally's on vacation," he says. "Can I help you?" "I know what I'm looking for," says Vic. "Help yourself," says the guy, turning his attention back to the Penthouse. Vic steps into the belly of the shop, passing the lunchbox display and the bucket of doorknobs and the stacks of comic books. As he enters the second to last room on the left, his heart skips. The steel shelf unit is there, but upon the top shelf are three of those crocheted dolls you use as toilet paper roll covers and a perfume atomizer. Where the hell is the Aqua Velva? He deflates with relief when he sees the gift set just one shelf below. "Thank Goodness," he says to himself. Good thing he got here when he did. Someone else must have been looking at it. Why else would it be on a different shelf? He lifts the box and fingers the set. The bar of soap, the shaving brush, the mirror and aftershave are all there. "Aqua Velva" is printed on each item, embossed on the soap and in the plastic handles of the mirror and brush, and (of course) on the bottle's label. He swallows hard. Aqua Velva. He doesn't barter with the dicky clerk, but pays the twelve dollars and change without comment and drives back home just as fast as he drove to Sally's. He has ten minutes to spare before she gets home. Down in the basement, he opens the cabinet. He picks up the 1949 Burgess Meredith Aqua Velva ad (sheathed in plastic) and sighs. He puts it back on the stack. "Aqua Velva," he whispers like a prayer. "Aqua Velva." "Honey?" His wife's voice brakes the spell. "I'm home." He places the gift set in the cabinet and bounds up the stairs. * * * The space between awake and asleep thins to a translucent gauze. There is the sound of something moving. Vic's eyes blink open and shift to the nightstand. It's 3:47. Did he hear something? Was it a dream? Another sound. He feels for his wife, but her side of the bed is empty. He leaps up, grabs the baseball bat from it's home next to his dresser. She is in the basement, sitting in the middle of the concrete floor. She is wearing a tee shirt with her naked legs folded under her. His entire Aqua Velva collection is arranged around her. She is studying one of the plastic-sheathed ads. He drops the bat. She raises her face. "Aqua Velva?" she says. "Vic?" His mouth is dry. "Say it again," he says, swelling with desire. "Just like you just did. Say it again and again and again."
AVCL Crusaders It is well known that Professor Moriarty is an Aqua Velva user and member of H.A.V.O.C. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and ladies of course, are hot on his trail.
So my king died, and my brothers died, barely a year ago. Long I pondered my king's cryptic talk of victory. But time has proven him wise, for from free Wet Shaver to free Wet Shaver, the word was spread that bold Rick and his 300, so far from home, laid down their lives... not just for H.A.V.O.C, but for all The Shave Den and the promise this forum holds. Now, here on this ragged patch of earth , AVCL hordes face obliteration! Just there, the barbarians gather, sheer terror gripping tight their hearts with icy fingers, knowing full well what merciless horrors they suffered at the swords and spears of 300. Yet they stare now across the plain at 10,000 H.A.V.O.C commanding 30,000 free Wet Shavers! Ho! The enemy outnumber us a paltry three to one! Good odds for any H.A.V.O.C. This day we rescue a world from mysticism and tyranny, and usher in a future brighter than anything we could imagine. Give thanks, men, to Rick and the brave 300! To victory!
Oh brave and noble AVCL members. Fear not, for right is on our side. We shall vanquish the foe even though his numbers swell with misguided and ensorcelled minions. They are but chafe in the winds of our passage through their AV reeking ranks. Bring it on!!!
Au Contraire my AV addle pated fool. That is what we face in our battle. We're still waiting around for you to get 200 yards without falling off your horses!
I don't have a dog in this AV hunt but I just had to say thanks for posting this most awesome picture of my favorite machine.
Not a AVCL Tool! This is for reference only. Not a part of the AVCL arsenal. We don't believe in escalating this into WW III. Just a little friendly AV rivalry.
