*DONE* Fragrance PIF

So, here's the idea for this one...

Being that up for grabs is something to make you smell nice, lets hear your best story about NOT smelling nice! I'll let my girlfriend pick the best story Sunday the 10th before Revenge comes on TV.

 

What comes to mind for me is when I decided to try Pinaud Special Reserve. I asked my wife what she thought of it and she cringed her nose. She said I smelled like an old woman!

 

Two weeks out in the field in middle of summer near the coast in Mississippi doing army field exercises. We didn't have showers and most of us only brought one change of uniforms. Smell was permanently stuff to uniforms even after 5 wash cycles. Ended up throwing them away.

 

In the summer a few years ago I was working cleaning frac tanks in jeans shirt for coveralls and a chemical resistant suit. I basically was inside a metal box with 95% heat baking it. I sweat so much I could wring my clothes out and fill a bucket. Add a five hour drive home for said clothes to dry. When I got home I smelled so bad my ex made me strip and shower with a hose in my backyard. Seal the clothes in a garbage bag and take them to the Laundromat. They smelled so bad I hauled them in my trunk

 

I make my living by hauling thoroughbreds for the racing industry. It's a very glamorous job. I rub shoulders with Billionaires and Heads of State almost daily. I get to play with 10-20-30-40-50 million dollar horses that people actually entrust in my care. Blah blah blah.. I also have to move all the 'tack' (read that as the grooms fridges,beds,clothes, etc) and I have to mucl the trailer after every load.. Mucking is cleaning out the 'spent' straw. I'll not get to graphic with how it's spent, We'll just leave it as horse trailers don't have plumbing. One July evening while making our way home from Miami my sister texted and asked if I would stop in Corbin Ky for dinner.. Heck yeah!!! I thought about cleaning up but it's just sissy. WRONG! You know where this is going right? We show up, I give sis a hug and out walks my sisters friend Tabitha. OMG. I had a crush on this girl from 6-7yrs old up until, well honestly now. I hadn't seen her in 8-10 years at that point.. I've never been so self conscience in my life, stinky, dirty, terribly embarrassed and falling all over myself apologizing all through dinner. I was so crushed.. 39 year olds ought not be crushing like a school boy, but more importantly 39 year olds ought to clean up before supper. I've always wondered if that 'chance meeting' wasn't a little more planned than I'd originally thought, maybe in 8-10 years I'll get another shot.

 

Nice PIF, GarGuy!

We had a sewage leakage a few years back. The tubes were completely clogged and all of the kitchen and laundry waste water seeped flowed liberally into the crawling space under the floor. Luckily not the toilet waste... But I had to crawl 30 feet through the muck up to the leak and replace some metres of sewage tubes.

That is to say: crawl in and see what was going on, crawl out. Think of a plan of attack. Crawl back in and measure things up. Crawl back out. Hot shower. Buy supplies. Crawl in with some tools and out and in again with some more tools and remove a part ot the tubing. Crawl back out to make replacement parts (on the front lawn). Crawl back in with the new parts and replace. Crawl out with tools and in and out for the rest of the tools.

I may have forgotten surpressed a few times going in and out for more stuff...

I may have smelled nicer on other occasions...

 

In high school I went to watch our schools basketball game right after playing tennis. Raised my hands over my head cheering and all my buddies started going "whats that smell?" Turn's out it was my air pits stinking up the stands. My one friend said i smelt like an entire team of sweaty dudes. had to keep my arms down in embarrassment for the rest of the game.

 

A few years back, I broke my hip in a golf cart accident. My leg was sticking out and I hit a tree and used it a a pivot point. Along with the hip injury and a dislocated knee, I got severe road rash from my ankle to mid thigh. Being diabetic the rash developed 4 different strains of infectious materials. It smelled like rotten meat for several weeks!

 

I was going to give it a try but I just can't beat this one....lol

 

Back in my 1st year summer at University, I was the bilge rat for a tug boat company owned by some family friends. I was by far the smallest guy on the crew and thus was charged with cleaning the bilge, oil and fuel tanks. Put on the bunny suit and spent 6 hours up to my waist in oil, gas, seweage, seawater, slime and god knows what. I smelled like a landfill and seweage treatment plant on a hot summer day. Parents made me strip down in the garage with a hose and a gave me a "welcome to prison shower"

 

At least I'm not the only one that was forced to shower with a garden hose lol

 

Several years ago I flew to a midwestern city for work. I had an engineering project at a turkey rendering plant (where they took the inedible turkey parts and turned them into dog food) and I needed to go to the field to take notes on the existing equipment, meet with operators and the client's engineers. We went through the meetings first, then I got to go to the plant to take my notes. It turns out this facility was not very well kept up. There was an inch of what could best be described as thick, slimy gruel on the floor and, having been there for who knows how long, it was pretty rank. I tried to be careful as I walk through it but inevitably it would splash up on on my jeans as I walked through the plant. By the time I was done, the bottom few inches of my jeans were fairly wet from this stuff.

As the day wore on my nose got accustomed the the stench. When I was done I headed back to the airport. Since this was just a day trip, I didn't bring a change of clothes. Returning the rental car, I got a "look" from the gal a the counter that I didn't understand. Then at the airport, same thing from the security guards, the ticket counter gal, and finally the flight attendant taking my ticket at the gate. It was only as I was stepping onto the plane that I realized what those "looks" were for. All that slimy stink from the plant was now on ME, and I was starting to smell it myself again too.

You think a crying baby is an irritation on a plane? These poor folks I was sitting next to were trapped. They had no means of escape. Luckily it wasn't a long flight. Just over an hour later, we touched down and got out of there as soon as I could. When I got home I stripped down to my underwear in the garage so I wouldn't have to deal with my wife's wrath for bringing that into the house, though she did let me carry it straight to the washing machine.

 

Being in the army, I've had many times where I smelled ripe enough to make people gag. One time, I was overseas and had to clean out the grease trap after going on a 5 mile ruck march. I was already dirty and smelly, so I went right to work. Then I went to the TOC to check in on something and people said I smelled like a mix of crap, grease, b.o., and I won't tell you what else.

Great PIF, thanks for offering it.

 

I was going to submit an entry, but can't come close to these!

 

This is pretty gross...so bypass reading this if you have a weak stomach.

Being a firefighter/paramedic, I see a lot of gross things. We were called for a well being check on an elderly lady that hadn't been seen in two weeks (very hot summer). As we approach the side door, the odor told us exactly what we would find once we gained entry...also the mound of dead flies in the windows confirmed it. We entered, found what we expected, but needed to do a death report...so we smeared our nostrils with Vicks VapoRub to cover the odor, got what we needed, and left the scene about 20 mins later.

My partner and I hopped in the rig and stopped at a hot dog place to grab lunch on the way back to quarters. Apparantly the odor was clinging to our clothes. Everyone in line around us was covering their faces and coughing, and we were politely asked to shower and come back by the business owner.

 

I'm not in (don't have a story that can beat anything I've read), but you guys have provided some interesting entertainment for me over the last couple of minutes.

 

I'm like Chuck Norris.... I never smell anything less than AWESOME!!!

"Chuck Norris doesn't smell like Tabac.... Tabac smells like Chuck Norris!!!!"

 

Great Pif
Two quick stories...
...Years ago I took up bow hunting and one of the accessories I purchased was a bottle of Raccoon urine.
The stuff was to put on the bottom of my boots to prevent leaving a scent trail.
One morning after juicing my boots to set off hunting I put the bottle back into the hatchback of my old Chevy Chevette but neglected
to secure the lid.
Needless to say I took the car to the wreckers shortly after.

...After having a few brown pops one night I decided to have myself a little snack of smoked oysters and crackers ( in my pj's)
Unfortunate (for my wife) I spilled quite a bit of oyster juise on my pj top while opening the can.
I thought nothing of it (it might have been the beer?) but...boy o boy ! I was woken a few hours later by my wife telling me to get my
rancid butt out of bed.
I'll never forget it.

 

Congrats to puros_bran! Your story was picked by swmbo... I must ask, did you purposely include a story involving a tale of romance knowing that a woman would be judging?! PM me your shipping info and your bottle will be on its way!

 

LOL... No. You asked for The Best Story. I used to haul chicken fat.. and I worked on the Rescue Squad, (reminiscent of two of the guys post's on here) so I have actually smelled worst. But smelling bad and having a story are two different things.

TY so much.