After five years of marriage I have been told she wants a divorce and I need to move. I wouldn't say that I was completely blindsided but it did come as a shock. I mean I knew that things were rocky but I didn't realize that her love for me was gone. Hell two days previous she had called just to say "I love you". I don't fully understand. Anyway my life is now filled with pain as I live in the guest room and try to find a new place to live. Almost everything makes me think of her although I know that moving out will help that somewhat. I'm grieving for the loss of us. I've lost my Love, my best friend, and my home. I not exactly sure what I'm going to do or how I will get through this but I know I need to power through this. You are probably wondering why I am posting this here. Good question as I'm not exactly sure myself. I've talked to friends and family and while it has helped I know they are not sure what to say/do. I guess by writing it here I am getting it out. Additionally most of you are strangers and the rest only vaguely know me. Therefore can give me some unbiased advice/words of encouragement/ or whatever. I'm hurting and I just need a channel to let it out.
I'm sorry for your pain. One bit of advice I frequently hear is don't automatically move out if you own your home. Another is to prune anything you might have out on the Internet or on email and put new passwords on everything. Finally, take an inventory of any assets. Pictures or notated video are supposed to suffice.
I know your pain man. When I went through my divorce I saw a quote "I want to be able to look back in ten years and say I was the best man I could have been". I took it to heart and 14 years later I know I was. Its far to easy to let anger and pain take over, but it isn't worth it. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but better times are ahead. Take it one day at a time.
I am very sorry for your situation. It must be terrible. I wish you all the best in life going forward.
All I can say is you are not going through something that someone hasn't already gone through and survived, even thrived! I have been through great personal loses of my own some tragic and some brought on by my own doing. What I can say for certain is this: it's my personal experience that we survive things not because we are strong but because we are left with no other choice. When enough time has gotten behind you, you will be fine. Good luck brother.
Being on the other side of my divorce by five years I understand you pain. We had a good ten or fifteen years, of thirty total. She moved on and I resisted for a while. If there is any hope you will find a way to correct the issues. Otherwise life goes on and you will have lessons learned. We had the advantage of children having already grown, and the loss of our home through bankruptcy. Assets were easy to split and no custody battle. I'm not a lawyer, but if she wants out I'd think she ought to leave, not you.
Sorry to hear about your situation. I like to remind myself when life is got me in a bad way "that which does not kill me, only makes me stronger."
Sorry for your loss. Try not to make any rash decisions and hopefully you have someone there that you can discuss your thoughts and options. Also. Be very careful using email when communicating with the wife because those discussions are forever. Those communications can and may turn up again. Also be careful about discussing this on any social media - same thing applies. Hopefully this process can proceed without much animosity between you two. The best for both of you at this difficult time.
When my ex left me, it sucked. Best thing I figured out was to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, and doing the right thing in each situation I dealt with. Didn't get her back, but figured out that I had been trying to be someone other than myself for her for years. Spent some time remembering who I was and getting comfortable being with myself. Don't vent on social media. If you don't want your friends or family to hold a grudge against her, don't vent to them. They will remember how she made you feel even if you get over it. Sorry to hear.
+1 Sorry to hear what happened. Keep in mind that as much as this seems overwhelming right now life goes on and you will move forward. As @BigCabDaddy and @Drygulch noted protect yourself for now take stock and don't do anything foolish out of spite that you will only regret. Another life chapter has begun. Best of luck.
run if your able. when I was in your shoes. heartbreak would set in late at night until early in the morning. my friends and family would have put up with hearing me vent my pain. alcohol may be great as an aftershave, but it won't heal a broken heart. but instead,I ran. even if I cried, it looked as if I was sweating. RUN FOREST RUN worked for me, made me tired, which helped me sleep. made me burn calories, which made me hungry. made me fitter, helped me rebuild. if you ever saw a burnt field, you'd swear nothing would ever grow there again. but with a little time,a bit of rain, and some sunlight. it'll be green as spring again, mostly sooner than you think. good luck my man, the Lord won't put more on you than you can bare. You will get through this. and maybe for the better. David
Let me begin by offering my sympathy. I can not even guess what this must be like for you. The only advice I have is to consider counseling, if you think there is even a small chance of saving the marriage. No matter what happens, I wish you well. Although we are just "board buddies" we are here to support one another.
Thanks to all who have responded. A lot of good stuff. Some I already knew (exercise, no alcohol, etc.),some made me think (helped to put things in perspective), and all of them help. I have been through worse so I know I'll get through this but right now it's hard. As my mother used to say this too shall pass.
When my wife was going through her cancer battle there was a saying we used every day. "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." You will get through this, there are sure to be tough times ahead but you are stronger than you know.
