An Aussie Blonde...

Discussion in 'Clean Jokes' started by DiggaDog, Feb 10, 2019.

  1. DiggaDog

    DiggaDog Member

    Us Kiwis like to give our Aussie 'cousins' a stir up now and then.

    So, in that tradition I offer the following (you really should know 'Waltzing Matilda', and what a 'billy' is though).

    An Aussie blonde found herself in Heaven.

    Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,’ St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

    'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

    'Just three questions' said St Peter.

    'Which are?' asked the blonde.

    'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?

    The second is How many seconds are there in a year?

    The third is What was the name of the swag-man in Waltzing Matilda?'

    'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

    So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

    The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

    'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

    The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

    St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

    'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

    The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

    'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

    'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

    St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

    A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swag-man in Waltzing Matilda?'

    The blonde replied; 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'

    `Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

    'It's Andy.'


    'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.

    This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

    'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled.'

    And the blonde entered Heaven...
    AGHisBBS, PatP, Primotenore and 3 others like this.
  2. RyX

    RyX DoH! Staff Member

    Humm. The first two answers I understood. After a little research, I think Canadians might get the funny. Don't explain it. Why do I want a cup of tea?
    Frijolero and DiggaDog like this.
  3. DiggaDog

    DiggaDog Member

    Yeah, you need to know the words to 'Waltzing Matilda' to get the last bit.
    Canadians? Pretty sure they will struggle too (but I'm happy for one of them to prove me wrong).
    Frijolero likes this.
  4. RyX

    RyX DoH! Staff Member

    It kills a joke to have tell why it's funny.
    A "billy" is pan for heating water, and a swag is the equivalent of an American hobo - a traveling workman of no fixed address? Cultural references get fuzzy when it's tweaked to poke fun.

    My oldest son took up residence near Melbourne nearly 5 years ago. He's still a Yank but he might understand unless it's a sports reference.
    Frijolero and brit like this.
  5. brit

    brit Well-Known Member

    and he..?
    RyX likes this.
  6. RyX

    RyX DoH! Staff Member

    He, who? My son? He's a computer nerd, and business partner / dog washer with his GF who is a dog stylist. They set up a shop and put several others out of business because they do a better job at lower prices. I need to get my passport re-upped and go for a visit!
    Frijolero and brit like this.
  7. brit

    brit Well-Known Member

    and he-- andy ..still trying to figure it ,sorry bro ..
    RyX and Frijolero like this.
  8. Enrico

    Enrico Well-Known Member

    Very good!

    Though I've heard it with Forest Gump and the last question was "What is God's first name?"
    DiggaDog and brit like this.

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