Wow, that’s the glass half full right there!

I like to make lather with my brush
I don't allow myself to get in a rush
But when I run late

I like to make lather with my brush
I don't allow myself to get in a rush
But when I run late
And can’t lather my pate

I like to make lather with my brush
I don't allow myself to get in a rush
But when I run late
And can’t lather my pate
I use a can of Gillette foamy slush.

I first shaved with canned goo and carts

I first shaved with canned goo and carts
Sans the joy that wisdom imparts

I first shaved with canned goo and carts
Sans the joy that wisdom imparts
Now I'm older I know

I first shaved with canned goo and carts
Sans the joy that wisdom imparts
Now I'm older I know
To TSD I go

I first shaved with canned goo and carts
Sans the joy that wisdom imparts
Now I'm older I know
To TSD I go
Where true shaving enjoyment starts.

My razor is a century old today

My razor is a century old today
I do love vintage stuff, I must say

My razor is a century old today
I do love vintage stuff, I must say
The blade though is new

My razor is a century old today
I do love vintage stuff, I must say
The blade though is new
With four spots of glue

My razor is a century old today
I do love vintage stuff, I must say
The blade though is new
With four spots of glue
It's attached well and ready to flay.

I'm about to go shave my head

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I'm about to go shave my head
It must be because my brain is dead

I'm about to go shave my head
It must be because my brain is dead
I'll have a shiny bald pate

I'm about to go shave my head
It must be because my brain is dead
I'll have a shiny bald pate
That will make my wife irate

I'm about to go shave my head
It must be because my brain is dead
I'll have a shiny bald pate
That will make my wife irate
But it's so smooth I'll slide off the bed.

There once was an aardvark named Mel

There once was an aardvark named Mel
Many stories about the man I can tell

There once was an aardvark named Mel
Many stories about the man I can tell
In Dutch he's an "earth pig"

There once was an aardvark named Mel
Many stories about the man I can tell
In Dutch he's an "earth pig"
He's a bit of a prig