Uncle Albert's Amazing Shaving Advice Part 4

Discussion in 'General Shaving Talk' started by micah1_8, May 12, 2009.

  1. micah1_8

    micah1_8 Poor Heartless Prevert

    Everyone's favorite Uncle is back with some more shaving tips. This still isn't your father's shaving advice.

    1. Baby Bear's bed was juuuuust right.
    Often times, it can be difficult to get your lather to the right consistency, and thus your shave turns out miserable. The problem may not be your soap/cream, technique, or razor. Check your water. It could be that you have "hard" water. You needn't run out and buy a water softening system (though Uncle Albert hears they are nice); you can simply add a little baking soda to your sink/tub. About a cup to a tub, or a few tablespoons to the sink. Just don't slip in the tub!

    2. Dick Tracy Villains Inquire Within.
    Your face is like rubber. It bends, it stretches, and it snaps more or less back into place. This makes it hard to get a super close shave sometimes. You know that spot under your jawline that just sort of squishes around when you run your razor over it? Pull your skin tight, move that spot up over your jawline if necessary. You might try making an "O" with your mouth to get the skin on your cheeks to pull tight enough. Don't be afraid of looking like Jim Carey, it's just you and the mirror.

    3. Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog.
    Sometimes, you just can't pull your skin tight enough to get that weird spot on your neck. Try tucking your chin down toward your chest, and puffing out your jowls. This might make you look like a bullfrog, but it might help you get that tricky patch.

    4. Let me bend your ear.
    Head shaver? Getting that patch behind your ears is a delicate situation sometimes. Try folding the top of your ear down so you can get in nice and close, while protecting the soft fleshy part of the thing you hear with. If you're shaving with a DE, don't forget that the razor has a blade edge on both sides! Few things bleed like a sliced ear.

    5. "Manscaping"
    If you haven't encountered a discussion on this concept yet, you will. It is, at best, an indelicate topic. Just remember a few key things. Pull your skin tight, be careful, leave some around the outer edges, and don't follow up with a splash of Pinaud's Bay Rum.

    6. How's it hangin'?
    How do you store your shave brush? Some say bristles down is the only safe way, others say bristles up is a-okay. Uncle albert hasn't noticed much difference, and the truth is, you likely won't either. Everyone has their theories on why they store their brush in the manner of their choosing. Nobody's right. Nobody's wrong. Store it how you like.

    7. Gee, Bert, You need to pluck!
    Got a monobrow? Pluck it. I know there's a temptation to shave that little area, but the irritation from the razor will be up-front and annoying. Man up, grab the tweezers, and yank out those hairs.

    8. Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink!
    Water is your friend when it comes to wetshaving. You want lots of moisture to help the razor glide over your skin. Water is also great for your skin. It's the original moisturizer. Water is, however, bad for your blade. Be sure and shake your blade dry when you've finished rinsing it off. Rust is a nasty thing to have scraping on your skin.

    9. A generation apart.
    This is isn't really shaving advice, but more like parenting advice (from your childless Uncle, no less). Let your kid see you shave (Unless of course, you're experimenting with #5--Shaving lessons should not induce the need for therapy). He'll be fascinated, and he'll be super amused at the way you look like Jim Carey swallowed a bullfrog as you gurn at the mirror.

    10. Pardon me, Ma'am.
    Sometimes it's easy to forget that women shave too. More and more ladies have learned to love the DE experience. When you're roaming around on the shaving forums, don't forget that guys. Ladies, see the above advice. One day, your daughter will thank you for teaching her how to shave her legs.

    So there it is folks. The fourth installment in Uncle Albert's Amazing Shaving advice. Try not to scar your face, try not to scar your children, and enjoy your shave!
     
  2. burningdarkness

    burningdarkness Woot Off

    A great one yet again.

    Thank you, Micah.

    Congrats on 400 and happy posting!
     
  3. Etoyoc

    Etoyoc Backwards

    Good addition and congrats on 400!
     
  4. RocketMan

    RocketMan Active Member

    Real nice Uncle Albert! Reading your thread may have been the first time I have been without a razor while pondering being a rubbery skinned bullfrog. Gave me a fresh look at it. I think I might have sorted out one of my trickier neck spots.

    Spot on eh!

    (nice prose too)
     
  5. Special_K

    Special_K New Member

    show of hands for making faces while reading the post

    :happy102
     
  6. RocketMan

    RocketMan Active Member

    Count me in as showing hands.
    shave hand helmet.jpg
     
  7. sol92258

    sol92258 I have no earthly idea

    veddy nice!

    for those of you who don't know, #5 according to [slash]Micah[/slash] Uncle Albert:

    [​IMG]
     
  8. burnWood

    burnWood Mizzou Fan, YMMV

    Fun read. didnt realize there were 3 other parts.
     
  9. Teiste

    Teiste New Member

    BRILLIANT!!!
     
  10. RocketMan

    RocketMan Active Member

    This one has flown right over my head!!! Olive oil needs some manscaping with a bic pen?? I am tryin!! Doh!
     
  11. micah1_8

    micah1_8 Poor Heartless Prevert

    This is a reference to my saying that all one really needs for #5 is Olive Oil and a Bic disposable.


    I hereby declare that "loin mowing" will henceforth be referred to as "#5".
     
  12. sol92258

    sol92258 I have no earthly idea

    yep, Micah made that statement "across the street" awhile back, so in my ultimate of humor, decided to ask how one accomplishes the feat with the items listed (in reality, I truly did not want to know, but couldn't pass up the low hanging fruit...)


    :happy097:happy097:happy097:happy097
     
  13. ChemErik

    ChemErik Mr. Personality

    Great advice on #4. I figured the ear part out on my own pretty quick. I love using a DE on the head, but did cut my ear once. It's amazing how much a tiny ear nick will bleed.
     
  14. micah1_8

    micah1_8 Poor Heartless Prevert

    Nope. Not going to get roped into this one. Just gonna pass this right on by.
    Right.
    On.
    By.

    [​IMG]
     
  15. RocketMan

    RocketMan Active Member

    Ahhhhhhh - very wise oh wisey one
     
  16. wchnu

    wchnu Duck Season!

    If the laptop does not dry out and still work your getting the bill buddy..:happy102:happy102:happy102:happy102
     
  17. RocketMan

    RocketMan Active Member

    wet laptop, thoughts about loinmowing ---- what you been up to bunny!!!??!::bath
     
  18. Windwalker

    Windwalker New Member

    :happy097 :happy097 :happy097 I was lucky that I was not drinking when I read that or you might be getting two bills. I did however wake the cat who gave me a "hey, I am sleeping here" look. I went back and reread all the "chapters" good stuff to be sure. So when is the next installment? ;) :D
     
  19. AgentQRJB

    AgentQRJB New Member

    Yay thanks for the advice!
    :D
     

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