The local sheriff pulled up next to the red neck unloading garbage out of his pickup into the ditch. The Sheriff asked "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Can't you see that sign right over your head". "Yep" he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here. The sign says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'" ... A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou" says the shocked friend "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies "My wife just ran off with my best friend". He then throws back another shot of whiskey in one gulp. "But" says the other man "I'm your best friend!" The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs "Not anymore... he is! Bwahaha!" ... A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel". "I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents". "The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80". "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars".
