There's nothing in my personal life making me ask this (thankfully), there is just a long running, semi-friendly debate on this at work. So I'm curious what other people's views are. The classic example: a spouse or significant other commits adultery/betrays their loved one, is found out, but uses "I was drunk" as an excuse. The confession (if there is one) boils down to "Yes, I admit that I did it but it wasn't my fault because I was drunk." The implication SEEMS to be, "I wasn't responsible for what I did, therefore you [the betrayed one] are wrong if you hold it against me." The same scenario applies with varying intoxicants but that's beside the point. Important: whatever the intoxicant was, the assumption here is that it was taken by choice, as is usually the case. IOW, no one was slipped a Mickey, unknowingly drugged, etc. The person who was unfaithful first chose to drink/whatever to the point of intoxication and impaired judgment. Not trying to spark any debates or flame wars so please limit your responses to Y or N...but I'll put up a Maybe/Depends option too for those who are undecided or have an alternate viewpoint you want to explain. Maybe you're seeing something I don't. Mods, if you think just asking the question is out of line, no hard feelings if you close and scrub but I think the fine folks of TSD can handle this with no problems. Thank you in advance.
Well, it appears we're just getting started with this survey, but we can clearly see that NO is blowing away the 2 other competitors.
an ex did that to me once. while i stayed around for a few years after due to circumstance, i never trusted her after that. on party nights it was torture.never again..
I'm with you, my man, I know the feeling. Head over heels for my first ever and fairly hot girlfriend...high school, then boot camp...then my dad telling me she was seen riding around town with another...then the classic Dear John letter...a valuable learning experience, that was. No drinking on her part was involved so she offered no excuse whatsoever. She just did it. In the years since, let's just say I learned that I dodged a bullet. A big bullet.
while all of us here are bound by lather and blade,a question like this is good. i am not a touchy feely guy per say,but i like threads like this as most guys rarely talk about anything but cars ,guns, etc. strengthens the group....
Yeah. Try telling a judge that you weren't responsible because you were drunk... I haven't actually been drunk in years. I've always been cursed with a pretty clear memory of it all, no matter how drunk I was.
I'll start by saying this may sound idealistic, but unfaithfulness starts in the heart as does all sin. Alcohol merely remove the inhibitions. It's like a drunk driver blaming the alcohol for his/her accident that kills a child. They didn't't accidentally fall behind the steering wheel and it started itself up. If I drink; I'm staying home and I don't have work the next day. It keeps all the possible ramifications to a minimum.
i only drink beer at home as well,other than work and the occasional car show i am at home most of the time as i am an indoor hobbyist these days. my present wife of 16 years had a similar upset with a former fiance.. it gave us common ground.neither one of us go to parties or bars/clubs.not needed in our lifestyle...
My wife and I are the only couple in my family to have succeeded in marriage. The most important thing I have learned is that it isn't enough to say "I don't cheat." Even more important is to never put yourself in a position where cheating might occur. So, I answered "no" because putting youself in that position to begin with is an issue. Just like that lunch you have every day with your "work wife/hubby"--especially if that lunch isn't something you tell your spouse about and they don't know the person. Just my two cents on what I have seen around me. Great topic.
i agree .as much as we trust each other and ourselves, why put oneself in a position where something could go wrong..or be perceived as . marriage is a commitment .i don t need to hang out with other women. friends or otherwise..others may have different thoughts on this,not my place to judge of course. .it works for us..
I agree ... it takes years to make a good reputation and seconds to destroy it; people's perception is something to be aware of. I work in an office with a couple ladies, but I am fortunate that my office is like a fish bowl and can be seen by all and cameras.