Daughters Should Not Grow Up. A Dads Perspective.

Discussion in 'The Chatterbox' started by DaltonGang, Jul 31, 2022.

  1. DaltonGang

    DaltonGang Ol' Itchy Whiskers

    Let me just say, being the father of two girls sucks. The first daughter is now 21 and about to graduate from college. She dates, but it is 3 1/2 hours away from where my wife and I live. So, the little things like clothing and the guys don't annoy me.
    Now today, things just triggered the "Dad" in me. First off, my 16 yr old daughter has just been allowed to go on dates, and have a boyfriend. The boys have been very persistent with trying to get her to go out, before she turned 16. She is on the High School track team(Sprinter in 4 events), and she likes to work out, a lot. She doesn't have an ounce of fat on her, and sports a six pack. She is usually very modest.
    Well, over the years it seems bathing suits for girls have gotten smaller and smaller, nkt to this dads liking. I've have talks with her, over the past 4 years, every summer, about modesty, and what I would do if she was caught with a skimpy swim suit.
    Today, she came downstairs, were her "Boyfriend" was was waiting, so they could walk to the pool, a block away. Her bathing suit was a Brazilian, with 3/4 of her rearend showing. I told her "Oh, hell no. March back upstairs, change and bring that suit down". She came down, and handed it to me.. I immediately took a sharp knife and cut it in a few pieces. I told her that we had discussions about this very thing, and what would happen, over the years. She said it cost her forty dollars, and I told her if I foumd another like that around here, it would be cut up too. . She stomped off, without saying a word, to the pool.
    My wife said it isn't her fault that she is 16 years old, with a 25 year olds body. I then told her it had been her job to monitor her swimwear, and she shouldn't have allowed it.
    Was I wrong???? Heck, we just got back from church, when this happened.

  2. brit

    brit in a box

    daughters..oh boy..if she has a rebelious streak..look out..tread lightly..
    stuartganis, Hembree and DaltonGang like this.
  3. John Beeman

    John Beeman Little chicken in hot water

    Nothing wrong as long as you gave clear directives and expectations that were understood and it sounds like you did.

    Whether she likes it or not, it’s more important that you stick to your word and not be wishy washy.

    She doesn’t like it now but it will make her a better parent someday. Not to mention a better employee, better employer, better friend, better mentor, better neighbor, etc.

    Too many people I encounter have rarely been held accountable and our society is the worse for it.
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2022
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  4. DaltonGang

    DaltonGang Ol' Itchy Whiskers

    Not rebellious at all. Very very respectful.
    I'm lucky with that, so far. My son was rebellious, and she saw how all that backfired on him.

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  5. DaltonGang

    DaltonGang Ol' Itchy Whiskers

    It's hard being the strict parent, but someone has to be. This is my third child, and my wife's first. So, I know what can happen if you try to be your child's best friend. It is Best to be friendly, loving, and understanding, but serious with rules.

    brit likes this.
  6. brit

    brit in a box

    very good.opposite for us.my son,her older brother was very laid back,reserved.sat back and watched her spiral out of control..thankfully she straightened out. she is 24 .and is at university now.
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  7. PLANofMAN

    PLANofMAN Eccentric Razor Collector Staff Member

    Moderator Article Team
    When a person wears revealing clothing, they are selling a bill of goods. If you dress like a slut, you'll get treated like a slut by all the boys.

    It's healthy to have boundaries. It's normal for kids to push those boundaries. Despite what we see in movies and media, it's also normal to be modest.

    And yes, your wife should be a better gatekeeper and example.
    Enrico, lightcs1776, gorgo2 and 2 others like this.
  8. poppi

    poppi Well-Known Member

    3 daughters, 5 grand daughters. Been there, been through all of that. Just be sure there are solid boundaries/guide lines and it will work out.
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  9. Queen of Blades

    Queen of Blades Mistress of Mischief Staff Member

    Moderator Supporting Vendor
    I think as long as there has been a clear discussion surrounding the boundaries and the real life, long term possible effects of ignoring those boundaries, you both should survive.

    Being restrictive for unexplained reasons isn't the best method, IMO. Not to say you are doing that.

    She sounds like she is the kind of person who has some idea of what she wants to do with her future. The distractions (boys, trying to be cool/fashionable, and such) can ruin that. She needs to focus on her, the rest will be there. It'll always be there.
    brit likes this.
  10. DaltonGang

    DaltonGang Ol' Itchy Whiskers

    Apparently this episode didn't scar her. I hung out with her all day. She even drove the big 4x4 diesel truck, for the first time today, after practicing parallel parking in the Jeep.
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  11. richgem

    richgem suffering from chronic clicker hand cramps

    Imho parents have to have boundaries for kids and kids need to be self-confident enough to say no to peer pressure whether that is to do certain things or to dress a certain way. My guess is that your daughter was either giving into peer pressure or thought that dressing a certain way was okay because everybody does it.
    lightcs1776 likes this.
  12. DaltonGang

    DaltonGang Ol' Itchy Whiskers

    The wife said it was a 2-3 year old suit. She definitely outgrew it. Both the wife and daughter know not to hang onto her old bathing suits now.

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  13. gorgo2

    gorgo2 geezerhood

    You're not wrong at all, sir. Ideally, it's the mother's job to have dealt with this first, before the Brazilian was even considered.
  14. PLANofMAN

    PLANofMAN Eccentric Razor Collector Staff Member

    Moderator Article Team
    It's sounding more like his daughter "outgrew" a previously purchased suit.
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  15. DaltonGang

    DaltonGang Ol' Itchy Whiskers

    She did, and it turned into a Brazilian, at least that's what I was told.

  16. gorgo2

    gorgo2 geezerhood

  17. lightcs1776

    lightcs1776 Well-Known Member

    I had one daughter (three boys) and went through the same issues. No, in my opinion you were not wrong with your response to your daughter. Your response to your wife really depends on tone, but I suspect you were frustrated and perhaps didn't come across in the best way. It will be a continuing battle, as your daughter challenges the boundaries and it probably won't be until she is much older that she appreciates them. My daughter is getting close to 30 now and actually looks back on many of those boundaries with gratitude. Keep being a parent, not a friend. There will come a day when friendship will take the lead, but not at 16. At least not in my opinion.
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  18. gorgo2

    gorgo2 geezerhood

    Last night my oldest said she knew she has boys interested in her (she's 14 but 5'8, thin and going to be stacked). Then she screwed up by further admitting to having a crush on some other lad. When I began deducing what he looked like, she blushed and I got that exasperated drawn out whine (you know the one, DA-AAAAD!) which told me I was dead on target. I chuckled smugly all evening.

    I still have a shotgun.
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  19. stingraysrock

    stingraysrock PIF'd away his custom title

    I am 50, never had children, a blessing that God intended for my bloodline, for that, I am sure.

    I have low to zero tolerance for children in general, especially the ill behaved variety that a parent is largely responsible for.

    So, having qualified myself as being a childless man, I probably do not qualify to post in this thread, so I shall pose this question;

    Why does the patriarchy insist on maintaining dominion over the bodies of their children, to the point of considering the children as their property?
  20. GatorJoe

    GatorJoe Well-Known Member

    I'll answer this from my perspective. I've raised 5 children, the youngest is 27, and they are not just ours but God's children. Our job as parents, in the opinion of my wife's and mine, is to raise them, support them, teach them and then let them out into the world. We raised them in church and family and with rules. I was fortunate in that my wife handled all dress code issues, and I offered guidance and showed by example. Everybody is different, but in our case it worked because all five seem happy which is to me more important than capitalist success, though some are both measured highly by both standards.

    To the OP, I wish you the best with your two daughters (I have two as well), just continue to reinforce rules during teenage years and then maybe pull back reigns a bit and let them adjust into independence. I even had to coach up my wife to let ours be free a bit late in teenage years as my parents did for me. You're probably already doing this but be consistent, both parents with the same message.
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