HMO Q&A Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, 'Hey, Moe!' Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Dr. Moe Howard of "The Three Stooges " who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want? A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and that diploma from a small Caribbean Island is very fresh. Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification? A. No. Only those you need. Q. What are preexisting conditions? A. This is a term used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with 'pre and now' meaning the same. Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions? A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment. Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment. Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do? A. Poke yourself in the eye. Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick? A. You really shouldn't do that. Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office? A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 CO-payment, there is no harm giving him a shot at it. Q. Will health care be any different in the next century? A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
So stinkin' funny! The reason it's so funny is that it's nearly true. We live in a country with the most advanced medical care in the world....now, gettin' access to that care is another story. Thanks for lightening things up for us around here.
Oh, how true and so sad. Reminds me of my latest dealing with my insurance (an HMO). My jaw locked up due to my TMJ condition and at the worst point I could open my mouth barely the thickness of my index finger. Called my insurance to see if they covered it. Yes but you need to see you primary care physician first (doctors don't treat TMJ, dentists do!). Even then we may not cover it, we only cover TMJ if there is a history of attempted treatments (in other words we'll pay for treatment ONLY after you have dropped several thousand in treatments that didn't work) and even then we typically only cover surgeries (great, considering most dentists avoid TMJ surgeries like the plague because they only work 50% of the time and if they fail you are worse off than when you went in for the surgery). Luckily my jaw unlocked on its own after a week and I didn't have to see a doctor regarding it. How I love US insurance incompitence!
Sad story Adam ,makes me aware and glad NOT to be in USA I just have heard too many a horror story concerning health in USA. We have a new system in the Netherlands since 2 years nows. I pay a #$#%@ Load for my health insurance but I look at it this way im Healthy like a Horse ! but You never know when thats to change so I look at it from a different point of view I pay the Devil (health insurance company ) a Way load of money each year to buy my health off ...well im COOL with that they can have my money just as long I can keep my great Health ..there is nothing more precious in the world then your health. rather pay then being in a hospital sort to speak. Im coverd for anything worldwide..... and I tested them last year I had a $1400 dental bill from Prague.. I send the bill to them they paid within 10 days without one word asking me why I had my RootCanal job done there...SERVICE !
