Limericks

There once was a gouty old colonel
Who kept a risqué old journal
But records of his indiscretions
Were great blackmail directions

 

There once was a gouty old colonel
Who kept a risqué old journal
But records of his indiscretions
Were great blackmail directions
So the Colonel gave orders to burn all.

There once was a vampire named Ann

 

There once was a vampire named Ann
Who kept her spare fangs in a can

 

There once was a vampire named Ann
Who kept her spare fangs in a can
They were kept bright with Polident

 

There once was a vampire named Ann
Who kept her spare fangs in a can
They were kept bright with Polident
This nation is lucky she never was President

 

There once was a vampire named Ann
Who kept her spare fangs in a can
They were kept bright with Polident
This nation is lucky she never was President
although not as bad as a madman

I can already feel the summer heat

 

drinking beer and cooking meat

 

I can already feel the summer heat
drinking beer and cooking meat
The coals are hot

 

I can already feel the summer heat
drinking beer and cooking meat
The coals are hot
The beer is not

 

I can already feel the summer heat
drinking beer and cooking meat
The coals are hot
The beer is not.
And I’ve got flip-flops on my feet.

We’re cooking burgers tonight

 

with pickles and onions cut just right.

 

We’re cooking burgers tonight
with pickles and onions cut just right.
Cold brews on the side

 

and slaw made with pride

 

We’re cooking burgers tonight
with pickles and onions cut just right.
Cold brews on the side
And slaw made with pride -
Our BBQ is a gourmet's delight.

My leg is broken and I am trapped indoors

 

i am out of clean dishes,theres dust on the floors

 

My leg is broken and I am trapped indoors
I am out of clean dishes, there's dust on the floors.
Being an invalid sucks

 

can t even feed ducks

 

My leg is broken and I am trapped indoors
I am out of clean dishes, there's dust on the floors.
Being an invalid sucks
Can't even feed ducks
And outside the window summertime soars.

 

My organic garden is rapidly being munched

 

the gophers are huge and overly lunched