Rolled out of bed and the rest of his ghillie suit was in the wash. On the up side his shoes will keep him from getting shot during hunting season, but maybe by the fashion police.
1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay? As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for. "I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look. She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head." "That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly." Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" "My guess is that she's still in the ditch."
“If Homer Simpson were a Democratic congressman from Springfield, Ohio, he’d be “Homer Simpson (D-OH).”
There is a man, he is dying in his bed in his home. He smells something amazing. It’s the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed and goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years is cooking the beautiful cookies. There are four of them on a plate, fresh out of the oven. And with his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies. But his wife sees him, rushes over, slaps his hand and says - No, they are for the funeral.
