Make a lady laugh pif

Discussion in 'Freebies' started by awake2shave, Jul 27, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Page 1 of 2
  1. awake2shave

    awake2shave Crazy Sharp Melon Baller

    I have in my possession a well traveled but in great shape pink welshi that I received in a pif from Sara-S.

    Weishi1.jpg

    My wife says she received great shaves with it just prefers something with a longer handle.
    So in TSD tradition it is time for it to move on again. The winner will receive the pink welshi and some blades.

    All you need to do is post a joke in this thread that is suitable to tell ones S.O. and get a giggle out of them.

    Winner will be chosen by random.org unless one of the jokes is so funny my wife spits coffee on me or physically collapse from laughing so hard then said joke would be the winner.

    This Pif will run until Aug 15th is open to all members but our non north American friends will
    need to pay a portion of the shipping depending on cost.

    Good luck all.
    -Phil
     
    awake2shave, Jul 27, 2012
    #1
    PLANofMAN and macaronus like this.
  2. battle.munky

    battle.munky Has the menthol.munky on his back!

    I love a good PIF! Please don't include me though.

    Here is my favorite joke. I read it here on TSD but can't find it. Awesome joke, stick with it ;)
     
    battle.munky, Jul 27, 2012
    #2
  3. awake2shave

    awake2shave Crazy Sharp Melon Baller

    bumpidy bump bump
     
    awake2shave, Aug 2, 2012
    #3
  4. PLANofMAN

    PLANofMAN Eccentric Razor Collector Staff Member

    Moderator Article Team
    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

    Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

    Any married man should forget his mistakes-there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

    A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage & after.
     
    PLANofMAN, Aug 3, 2012
    #4
    asleep2shave, battle.munky, jeraldgordon and 1 other person like this.
  5. PLANofMAN

    PLANofMAN Eccentric Razor Collector Staff Member

    Moderator Article Team
    The story of someone getting a haircut.

    Women's version:

    Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

    Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

    Woman2: Oh God no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

    Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

    Woman2: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.

    Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

    Men's version:

    Man2: Haircut?

    Man1: Yeah.
     
    PLANofMAN, Aug 3, 2012
    #5
    asleep2shave and jeraldgordon like this.
  6. PLANofMAN

    PLANofMAN Eccentric Razor Collector Staff Member

    Moderator Article Team
    Last one, I promise...

    Differences Between Men & Women

    NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

    EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

    BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

    GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

    SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

    CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

    DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

    LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

    OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
     
    PLANofMAN, Aug 3, 2012
    #6
    asleep2shave likes this.
  7. Kevin K

    Kevin K Well-Known Member

    So, a pastor sees a new member of the congregation with a smile from ear-to-ear and decides to ask him why he's suddenly so happy. The man replies "Ever since I started praying to Harold, my life has been changing for the better!" "Harold?", the pastor asks. "Yeah, you know, we pray 'our Father who art in Heaven, Harold be thy name...'"

    Ba-dum-bum. I'm here all week. Try the meatloaf!
     
    Kevin K, Aug 3, 2012
    #7
    awake2shave, asleep2shave and PLANofMAN like this.
  8. PLANofMAN

    PLANofMAN Eccentric Razor Collector Staff Member

    Moderator Article Team
    Don't let Padre see this or he'll never be able to recite the Lord's Prayer with a straight face again.
     
    PLANofMAN, Aug 3, 2012
    #8
    PadreTex likes this.
  9. awake2shave

    awake2shave Crazy Sharp Melon Baller

    Last time this razor was up for a pif there was 10 or so of us where is every one :p
     
    awake2shave, Aug 6, 2012
    #9
  10. Neolithium

    Neolithium I am Canadian, eh

    Top 10 Things Men Know About Women
    10:
    9:
    8:
    7:
    6:
    5:
    4:
    3:
    2:
    1:
     
    Neolithium, Aug 6, 2012
    #10
    Queen of Blades, asleep2shave and awake2shave like this.
  11. asleep2shave

    asleep2shave Well-Known Member

    You should add at the bottom that we like shiny things lol
     
    asleep2shave, Aug 7, 2012
    #11
  12. emmijack

    emmijack Well-Known Member

    Please don't count me in on this great PIF, but here is one of my favourite jokes at the moment....A man goes into his barber shop for a haircut, whilst he is having it done the barber makes small talk with him "are you going anywhere nice on vacation this year"" yes I'm going to italy in a week" replies the man, "you don't want to go to Italy" says the barber, "the people are rude, the food is terrible, and the streets are littered with rubbish,
    the man disregards the barbers comments and a week later he goes to Italy.
    A month later he goes into the barbers for another hair cut, " you were wrong about Italy" says the man, " the people were very polite and friendly, the food was fantastic, and the streets were spotlessly clean, as a matter of fact I saw the Pope while I was there, and waited in line for him to bless me, when it was my turn he knelt down beside me and whispered in my ear"," what did his holyness say" asked the Barber, "who the heck cut your hair" said the man!!!
     
    emmijack, Aug 7, 2012
    #12
    awake2shave and PLANofMAN like this.
  13. DLP

    DLP Well-Known Member

    AH, now we have something that we know about women. Fill in slot 1.
     
    DLP, Aug 7, 2012
    #13
  14. thevez2

    thevez2 uses Gillette's new Tarantula Razor - 8 blades!!

    I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.

    My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
     
    thevez2, Aug 7, 2012
    #14
    ChrisC1977, Pav, awake2shave and 1 other person like this.
  15. awake2shave

    awake2shave Crazy Sharp Melon Baller

    4 days left bouys and gouls
     
    awake2shave, Aug 11, 2012
    #15
  16. ChrisC1977

    ChrisC1977 Well-Known Member

    The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. ;)


    And no, I have not done that for the record. lol
     
    ChrisC1977, Aug 12, 2012
    #16
    Zereoue20 likes this.
  17. Zereoue20

    Zereoue20 Active Member

    I was trying to find this really long joke that I can only remember part of, didn't find that, but did come across this, lol.

    It is rumored that this an actual job application someone submitted to McDonald's... and further rumored that they hired him! But Greg Bulmash set me straight. He says, "[It was] never submitted at McD's, at least not by the guy whose name is on it. I'm him and I wrote it as a joke for a humor web site I used to run. See http://www.autodream.com/chain/site1.html for the backstory."

    1. NAME: Greg Bulmash
    2. DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
    3. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
    4. EDUCATION: Yes.
    5. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
    6. SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
    7. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
    8. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
    9. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
    10. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
    11. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
    12. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
    13. DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING (UP TO 50 LBS)?: Of what?
    14. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
    15. HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
    16. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
    17. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
    18. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
    19. SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.


    Thanks for the chance, :)
     
    Zereoue20, Aug 12, 2012
    #17
    asleep2shave likes this.
  18. mcgils

    mcgils New Member

    Two peanuts were walking down the street.

    One was assaulted.
     
    mcgils, Aug 15, 2012
    #18
  19. asleep2shave

    asleep2shave Well-Known Member

    this one's good :happy088: made me laugh
     
    asleep2shave, Aug 15, 2012
    #19
    Zereoue20 likes this.
  20. awake2shave

    awake2shave Crazy Sharp Melon Baller

    Make a lady laugh PIF.jpg

    Congratulations to our winner ChrisC1977 PM me info when you have time!
     
    awake2shave, Aug 16, 2012
    #20
Page 1 of 2
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page