Oops..Pardon the Pun..or Not...

Discussion in 'Clean Jokes' started by Slipperyjoe, Jul 12, 2012.

  1. richgem

    richgem suffering from chronic clicker hand cramps

    Nope. You buy your ticket you take your chances.
     
    Erik Redd likes this.
  2. wchnu

    wchnu Duck Season!

    Oh ok.
     
  3. Slipperyjoe

    Slipperyjoe Rusty Metal Tetanus

    You're right..it's worse..:angry032:
     
    Erik Redd likes this.
  4. Sara-s

    Sara-s This Pun for Hire

    A hospital patient is brought into the OR for surgery. As expected, he was surrounded by several doctors and nurses. But he was puzzled to see that the surgical staff also included a giant rabbit. So he asked his doctor"Why is there a giant rabbit in here? The doctor explained, "He's the anesthesiologist. Surely you've heard of the Ether Bunny."
     
  5. Jayaruh

    Jayaruh The Cackalacky House Pet

    Supporting Vendor
    A man contracted gangrene in his right leg and needed to have it amputated. But, due to a mix-up at the hospital, the surgeon operated on the left leg. The patient, of course, still needed to have his right leg amputated, which was done.

    A malpractice suit was brought and it seemed like the man had a good case, but the judge threw the case out of court.

    He said the plaintiff didn't have a leg to stand on.
     
    Keithmax, macaronus and Screwtape like this.
  6. richgem

    richgem suffering from chronic clicker hand cramps

    For all us science nerds:

    [​IMG]
     
    Keithmax and Sara-s like this.
  7. Jayaruh

    Jayaruh The Cackalacky House Pet

    Supporting Vendor
  8. Jayaruh

    Jayaruh The Cackalacky House Pet

    Supporting Vendor
  9. Jayaruh

    Jayaruh The Cackalacky House Pet

    Supporting Vendor
  10. richgem

    richgem suffering from chronic clicker hand cramps

  11. Sara-s

    Sara-s This Pun for Hire

    A fellow named Hugh was hiking throught the woods, when he came upon some campers, who were cooking food in oil. At his insistence, they stopped. Moral of the story; Hugh and only Hugh can prevent forest fryers.
     
    Keithmax and Paul Turner like this.
  12. richgem

    richgem suffering from chronic clicker hand cramps

    :angry017:
     
  13. Paul Turner

    Paul Turner outside the quote(s) now

    She got us good, didn't she?
     
    Sara-s likes this.
  14. Erik Redd

    Erik Redd Lizabeth, baby, I'm comin' to join ya.

    It was such a lovely day I thought I'd go walking down by the seashore.
    As I was walking I began to count the slits in the boardwalk, one, two, three...
    And then a policeman asked what I was doing?
    I said, "Hello officer. It's such a lovely day I thought I'd just take a stroll down by the shore and count the slits in the boardwalk."
    He says, "I think I'll join you. All the bad guys are locked up and I'm free for a while."
    And together we walked and counted the slits in the boardwalk, 17, 18, 19...
    And as we passed a man standing by the railing he asked what we were doing?
    He said he was a doctor and at the present had no patients to see and as it was such a wonderful day he too would join us. And we continued on and counted the slits in the boardwalk, 36, 37, 38...
    There was a woman walking her dog and asked what we were doing? After I told her about what a wonderful day this was she insisted on walking with us and count the slits in the boardwalk, 56, 57, 58...
    Then a mail-lady passed by. She too thought it was a lovely day and as she had already delivered her mail she also wanted to take a nice stroll along the seashore and help us count the slits in the boardwalk, 87, 88, 89...

    After we walked for about 30-minutes counting the slits in the boardwalk 178, 179, 180... suddenly, as no one was paying attention, everyone walked right off and fell into the water.

    And the moral of the story is: "When you're out of slits, you're out of pier."

    For those old enough to remember beer commercials from the '70s
     
  15. Sara-s

    Sara-s This Pun for Hire

    I'm old enough. Good one!
     
    Erik Redd likes this.
  16. richgem

    richgem suffering from chronic clicker hand cramps

    I remember too.
     
    Erik Redd and Sara-s like this.
  17. John Ruschmeyer

    John Ruschmeyer Well-Known Member

    Me, too. Then there's this one...

    Mel Famey was an erratic pitcher at best and was the last in the lineup for relief. Which meant that he was a great benchwarmer. Mel spent most of his time in the bullpen watching the game and imbibing beer on the sly.

    One day, his team was up against the league's best, playing at home and in the bottom of the ninth with two out, the score tied, and two runners on. The last relief man had been hit by a line drive from the last hitter and had to retire from the mound. The manager had gone through every relief pitcher in the lineup and had only Mel left on his lineup card.

    With an exasperated sigh the manager signaled for Mel to take the mound.

    Mel made his way to the mound with only a hint of unsteadiness. He walked the first hitter. The crowd started to boo. Mel threw a strike, a ball, another ball. Then Mel seemed to settle down and took a long pause. He wound up and threw a perfect ball over the catcher's head. The winning run walked over the plate and the game was over.

    On their way into the showers, the opposing team walked by the bullpen and noticed the empty beer cups stacked in the corner. One player remarked, "Well, that answers why we won. There's the beer that made Mel Famey walk us."​
     
  18. Paul Turner

    Paul Turner outside the quote(s) now

    How about this, I just made up. Could be corny, but.....................

    A guy is asked to quickly name all the US Presidents, which he does swiftly from Washington to Trump. Then he suddenly blurts out "Budweiser". He then is asked why he mentioned the beer brand. His answer, "When you say Buuuud-weiser...you've said them all".
     
    Keithmax likes this.
  19. Jayaruh

    Jayaruh The Cackalacky House Pet

    Supporting Vendor
  20. Sara-s

    Sara-s This Pun for Hire

    Did you hear about the farmer whose girlfriend broke up with him? She sent him a John Deere letter.
     

Share This Page