Oops..Pardon the Pun..or Not...

When math teachers go hunting, do they set trapezoids?

 

A thief broke into our local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying "We have absolutely nothing to go on".

 

but if he gets caught, boy will he be up s creek without a paddle!

 

As you approach old age three things start to disappear.... Your memory and I forget the other two.

 

What do you call 2 superheroes who have just been run down by a steam roller?

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Flatman and Ribbon

 

/groan

 

I was having trouble solving a math problem, it just wasn't adding up.
Sometimes I sine a paper, other times I cosine, but rarely do I ever tangent.
A well known motivation speaker went into the doctor's office for blood work; turns out, he's -A person.

 

What's 6 feet long, green & has 2 tongues?

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The Jolly Green Giant's sneakers.

 

I think that's supposed to read, " A negative person"
or did you mean to say he's minus a person?

 

I think that's supposed to read, " A negative person"

So do eye.

 

Ya, mon.

 

...but I did not shoot the letter "T".

 

A man purchased a talking bird and taught it an assortment of profanities. His neighbor called the cops to complain. They arrested him for contributing to the delinquency of Mynah.

 

I also offended his parrot so much that if flew away, now it's a polygon.

 

that bird is not dead, he's merely resting.

2 points if someone remembers that quote.