Should You Reject Repayment for a Favor?

In America today it seems that when you do a favor for someone they always offer to repay you for the favor, gas money, etc. At first you refuse the offer of repayment, then the other person insists, and finally you accept. Why do we always go through this exchange? Would it be improper to just simply accept repayment in the same way you accept the gratitude they gave you for helping them out?

Also, if you are the person who received the favor, is it improper to not offer repayment of somekind other than pure gratitude and thanks? Assuming, of course, that you have the means of repaying for the favor.

 

Interesting topic... for me personally.

I think that most favors I do i do not want anything back except you do a favor for me some other time. Ie I drive you to to the mall... you drive me to the pool. That is a little over simplified.

But for cash payment I usually ask in advance if they would like it. The cash usually only has to do with gas money. Most other things i find payment of favors or food to be great. IE helping a housemate move he buys a pizza or two for the helpers to split.

I think that if you just accept the offer of reimbursement for your actions it would be a deviant behavior. Just against the norms, nothing morally wrong about it. Just something odd.

However for just pure gratitude i find that for more smaller things. IE helping a co worker do a report. You just do it and say thank you and keep going with what you were doing. Then if the situation is reversed... helping would be expected back but not totally necessary as there are many factors into the "repayment".

 

Interesting topic...
I think some people offer to repay the favor because its the polite thing to do, but I can bet some/most people dont actually mean it...Meaning, they are hoping the person says "no, dont worry about it"... Depends on the situation I suppose.

 

I have been doing PIFs for the aforementioned favors. When someone does a nice for me, I thank them, ask if I can reciprocate (they usually say no), then I suggest that I PIF something to someone else.
My most recent went like this.
I have a cousin who belongs to a book of the month club and she is always send me her books after she reads them. I reciprocated by PIFing a custom-made rollerball pen to her daughter.

 

Although I know I look and I sound very mean, I actually have a soft and gentle heart if I like somebody. I hate to be re-paid if I do a favour to somebody. Someone here wants do do me PIF, and I accepted, but I feel to cry from my heart because he will not allow to me to send back in return.

 

There are also people who are greatly bothered by the thought that they might be in debt to somebody else, for however little much. They can't rest until they even the score.
I have a friend like this. To cite one example of many: A number of years ago my late inlaws had a farm. Each and every time that my wife and I visited, we would come away with bags of vegetables, corn, perhaps 3 or 4 freshly gutted chickens, a couple dozen eggs....etc etc. More than the two of us could ever use before our next weekly visit. And, our freezer was full.
I would often drop off some corn, or a chicken, or some eggs, because we couldn't possibly use all that we had been given. It was not a favour from me, it was a gift. Pure and simple. No strings attached, and no return expected. And it wasn't charity, because he and his wife were fine, financially. But he was always trying to pay me back. I kept telling him no, no need to. It's a gift. I'm not keeping score. But it really seemed to bug him, so eventually I just stopped doing that.

 

When I do a favour for someone I like the good feeling I get. Paying me back robs me of that good feeling so I ask people to let me have the warm fuzzy instead of payment.

My daughter will often (when she feels down) pay for the meal of the car behind her in the drive through line. She calls it paying "back". Lifts her spirit every time.

 

This is my 1st time hearing of what your daughter does and please pass on to her that it also lifted my spirits. Also, as long as she has no objections, I want to do it too. Great idea.
The closest I came to something similar was when a Marine in his dress blues and his lady-friend came into the restaurant where we were dining. We anonymously paid for their dinner.

 

I think on this subject I'm a little against the grain. I try to always be grateful for any gifts I receive, but I never worry of keep track of any repayment. I just try to do nice things for people when I believe they need or will appreciate it. I never expect any type of repayment for a gift, but unless I know it's a real burden to the giver I just gratefully accept whatever is offered in return.

 

Sparky has a great point and my visits to Japan in business years ago, presents were exchanged as he said. Doug

 

You'd be amazed at how much a hand written THANK YOU card or note can mean.

 

I think most the time when we do something nice for someone, to see that they really enjoy it is more satisfying than any repayment could be....But I know what your saying...I also want to repay aswell...But if they say no, then I realize that they really are enjoying seeing me appreciating what they did...And thats cool...

Sometimes our friendship to someone means so much to them, that we have already paid for the favor by sharing our friendship...and vice versa...

 

Thank you for your kindness to the Marine. (Wife and I are both retired military) And feel free to do any random act of kindness put on your heart. If our nation could use anything right now it would be an epidemic of random acts of kindness. :happy005

 

I usually reject the 1st offer but will accept a 2nd offer. Not sure why we do this but I suppose it's just the way it is.

 

Great subject...

IRL I always say it is not necesary, but also I believe that if they feel it is, then you accept with a showing of gratitude...

Now on the shave forums if I do a pif, and they ask to send something back in return, my response is that they pif something to another in need...But some people send a small token back anyway ...

Honestly, I could only wish for real life to be as polite as these shave forums are

 

I have to side with those who just like a "warm fuzzy" feeling and a "Thank you"

Last week, I was at the grocery store, some young girl, maybe 20 or 21 years old, had a 3 year old child in a stroller and checked out in front of me. She had stuff for baking, hamburger, salad, other non-junk food (except a 12 pack of pop, but it's been terribly hot here, and they were store-brands of the pop.) She paid cash.

She was waiting inside the door of the grocery store, as it was raining out pretty hard, and I heard her tell the cashier that "Someday she'd have a car" and wouldn't have to wait for the rain to end.

After checking with the SWMBO about a car we've had sitting in the driveway for about 3 months, we quickly decided we'd give the car to this young girl, circled around the block and caught up to her to see if she was interested... You might say she was a bit leery... LOL

Now, granted this is NOT a nice wonderful car... it was an old beat-up Olds 88, 1994 model, and *sometimes* it just "dies" and won't restart until the next day... But she was more than happy to get the thing so she could take her kids out to the lake a few miles out of town. Even if she spends $100 or $200 to find out why it dies (some sort of electrical/fuse issue that affects the fuel pump power.) it's still a cheap car with 4 new tires, new starter, new front brakes, air conditioning (even my daily-driver doesn't have working AC), and we put a brand new battery in it for her. (OK, the old one was under warranty and bad, so it didn't cost much to replace it, other than 5 gallons of gas to get the thing.)

Her and her boyfriend moved to the middle of po-dunk Iowa here about a year ago from California, and haven't had a car since they've been here... She said she hasn't even been to a Walmart (20 miles away) since November, and every time someone promises to take her shopping there, they always have a reason that "they end up not going".

She's taken her 3 year old son out to the lake a few times, but since it's a 3 mile walk with a stroller, it just doesn't happen too often.

Met the boyfriend, who was home with their 7 week old baby when we brought her home with the car, title etc... I was impressed that he was decently clean-cut for a 23 year old, totally sober, and grateful for our help...

Can't ask for much more than that. I would have felt bad if they had insisted on trying to repay us. We just told them some day they will be in a position to help someone out, and to remember this.

 

I am a bit different on the PIFs. I say don't send me anything.. but if they really want to I cannot say no. Sometimes I don't expect anything and you get something great.

I don't push the subject to hard because I know some people hate owing someone something... I know I hate borrowing money, or something. So I just accept what they give and say thank you very much .

I have never done the buying a meal... but i saw a little kid and mom both didn't look like they had much money. But she bought him an ice cream and the ice cream fell right off the cone (another falls to the tongue ice cream push)... He was sad and the lady offering ice cream wouldn't give him another (because she saw him drop it by licking it too hard). So I ended up buying my friend, the boy, the mother and I ice cream. The look on his face was worth a couple million ice cream cones.

 

In my neck of the woods its almost impolite to offer repayment for a favor except for a homecooked meal. That being said if machinery is involved I always offer to pay for fuel due to the expense of diesel.

 

I always refuse. It is nice to do things without anticipating / expecting a payout other than my personal satisfaction.

So the person usually ends up slipping my wife money.

I'd much rather donate my time to someone who appreciates it, rather then someone who sees me as a service provider.