VIRUS ALERT . . . update

Discussion in 'Clean Jokes' started by Terry, Mar 13, 2020.

  1. Terry

    Terry Tool Admirer

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to the Corona virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”

    The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.”

    The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British Army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.”

    Italy has increased it's alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.”Their two higher levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

    The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual. The only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No Worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.”Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
  2. S Barnhardt

    S Barnhardt Old, Crusty Barn

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  3. Edison Carter

    Edison Carter Goo-bloomin' Stankster

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  4. brit

    brit in a box

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  5. Keithmax

    Keithmax Breeds Pet Rocks

  6. Jayaruh

    Jayaruh The Cackalacky House Pet

    Supporting Vendor
    Enjoy this updated song.
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  7. Enrico

    Enrico Popcorn

    Makes me proud to be Scottish. :kar:

    And Irish :eatdrink047:

    And I must admit English :eatdrink013:
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2020
  8. FatherofSquirrel

    FatherofSquirrel A right jolly old elf

  9. Robert1955

    Robert1955 Well-Known Member

    Well you got us Scots bang on
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