Will start university this year. Fear of dropping out (again).

I am 21 years old. At 19, I started university abroad (European Law in Maastricht University, Netherlands). However, I dropped out the very first year because of 2 reasons - the subject and the exams were too much and hard for me and because I experienced...student life (partying, drinking, etc). I wasted a very large amount of money from my parents and they never learned about the second reason for my failure... Now, 2 and a half years later, I have moved in the UK and want to study and set up a new future with my girlfriend (who studies here as well). I am starting uni in September and will study Marketing. However, the failure in the Netherlands and the feel of guilt towards my parents left a huge trauma in my head. Ever since, I haven't been able to concentrate properly on studying and whatever I read, I forget shortly afterwards.

The stakes are too high this time, but I don't want to stay uneducated for the rest of my life. If I fail this time, I am going to owe the UK a student loan of around 27 000 pounds (Bachelors is 3 years x 9 000 pounds). This failure will probably make me bound to stay in the UK for the rest of my life since I slowly will have to re-pay my debt. The more time passes and uni comes, the more I fear about failing again...

Can you recommend me something (besides consulting a psychologist) and possibly give me an advice? You don't know how much I would appreciate this... My girlfriend always tells me to believe in myself and that I will make it this time, but I don't believe in myself... Thank you for reading my story.

 

Follow your heart.

 

Stop thinking of reasons you may fail and start working out plans that will help you succeed. Your decision. Your money. Make it count.

 

It sounds like you don't know how to learn. Student services can help you with that aspect thru study booklets and maybe counseling and tutoring. That's the easy part. Your GF is the hard part. She will want you to spend time with her instead of study. You can't study while also watching TV so you are out of luck. You have been out of school a while. So you might start with a single class. Maybe a class at a local "junior college" but only if it will transfer. When I went to school I would sign up for 5 classes expecting to drop 1. Sometime you get a professor you don't get along with or you can't learn from. Just drop the class. It's no sweat.

Good luck.

 

Keep focused on where you're going, what your goal is. You have to have a goal other than "going to college". Without a goal you're like a ship leaving on a journey without the crew knowing the destination. You have to have some idea where you're going. If you don't, you'll end up someplace, but probably not where you wanted to be. Good luck! When you're done you, your girlfriend, and your parents will all be proud.

 

First off, we all make mistakes but as long as we learn from them they're not necessarily bad. It's water under the bridge now and you can't do anything about that except learn from it and move on. Everybody fails at something sometime so you're not alone. All you have to do to succeed is get up one more time than you fall down. As long as you keep learning from your mistakes, you'll eventually succeed as long as you keep getting up and trying again.

All that said, I agree it helps to have a goal you're working toward. If you don't have that, eventually, probably right after you've fallen down, you'll ask yourself, "Why am I doing this?" and you'll need to answer that before you'll feel like getting back up. So you might as well figure that out now. Keep in mind the goal you set for yourself now could end up being one of those mistakes you learn from later. That's ok though. Learn from it, set a new goal,, and go for it.

I know saying this in a few sentences makes it sound trivially easy and I know it's not. But after you do it for a while it does get easier to quit focusing on failure. I'm not sure if the story's even real but it could be I guess. Somebody asked Thomas Edison if he got discouraged by failing so many times when he was trying to invent the light bulb. He said something like, "I didn't fail. I just learned 10000 ways not to make a light bulb."

 

Man,
I wish I was 21 and realizing I messed up and it was time to get serious.
You need to look at it as a life lesson that, unfortunately some people NEVER learn.
You are 21 and have your whole life ahead of you. First I would say, find out what you love to do and make money doing that.
What are your gifts and talents?

I am 35, soon to be 36. SWMBO is 41. We have a 2 and a half year old son and a 2 month old daughter. We may have started late in life, but we still have a bright future because that is how we see it. We know God has a plan for our life and we are doing our best to follow Him. I am currently a corrections officer at a state prison. My degrees are in theology an divinity. I am currently taking classes to equip me to become a prison chaplain. So in a sense, I am just getting started myself.

In all honesty, I feel like, man I've wasted so much time. Am I ever going to get past this. But I don't stop. I just keep pressing on.

Just follow whatever is in your heart.

I don't know whether or not you need a psychologist, but I have been on TSD long enough to know that you can have a quality "non professonal" counseling session right here. Everyone here is very respectful and courteous. I've only been on here a year, but all of my experiences have been positive. And I am making some pretty good friends to boot.

Best regards.

Tad

 

Don't beat yourself up on the past. Mistakes are part of the journey. I went straight into the Air Force at 18, got married, divorced and remarried and raised 6 kids, then went to Air Conditioning/ refrigeration School. Then I immediately went to a Jr. College and nabbed an AAS degree in Electronics. Then I went to the University of Arizona, then Arizona State University. Finished a bachelors when I then decided to go to Bible College which I did, all the while none of what I went to school for was relevant to what I do for a living the past 35 years. Then I went to complete my MBA and after about 4 months I was sitting in class one day and thought to myself that I am not even in the remotest way interested in anything they are talking about. Some of the things I just wrote were bad decisions, some were good. I said all that to say this, life happens, some decisions are bad, some are good. In the end we all get there but its the journey that counts. Forgive yourself. Your just fine. Just watch distractions, plow ahead, work hard and enjoy life!

 

I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said. If you're going to focus on failing that's exactly what you're going to do. Nobody can put it in your head that your going to be successful besides yourself. Sure they can tell you these things but ultimately YOU have to believe in YOURSELF to be successful in life. There are a lot of successful people who turned absolutely nothing into something and when all the odds were stacked against them they pushed through and made things happen. The mind is a powerful thing and if this is truly what you want you'll find a way to be successful. It won't be easy and there will be times you'll be tired and want to give up but you have to push through that and know it will all be worth it in the end.

 

I'm a college professor. The concept of "self talk" is an important concept here. By the time we are 13 years old, we often receive 138 negative impressions per day. Ultimately, it becomes our self-talk. That inner voice. Our inner voice will say such things as "I'm lazy, I'm not good at math, I'm not a good student, etc. etc." When you find yourself doing things right, tell yourself "That's like me." When you find yourself making a mistake, don't beat yourself up over it. Simply say "That's not like me. I am a good student." The goal here is to change your negative self- talk. Shad Helmstetter wrote a book on the topic titled, The Self -Talk Solution.

Next, examine where you spend your time by creating a time log. We have time we can control (discretionary time) and time we have no control of, when you are in classes, etc. This is non-discretionary time. For three weeks, document where you spend your time each day. After three weeks, look for common themes. Look for time wasters. Look for your magic three hours where you are most productive.

Create a time management plan for yourself that incorporates classes, studying, exercise, time with your family/ girlfriend, hobbies, etc. Most of all, stick to the plan.

Someone mentioned that colleges offer a variety of free resources. That is true. There are writing resource centers, office of disabilities, and a host of other free resources. I mean no disrespect, but sometimes students have learning disabilities that have never been assessed. If your college has an office of disabilities center, they can assess such things. Your academic advisor can help you here.

I often tell my students the formula for academic success is quite simple - come to every class, take good notes, and do the work. It really is that simple.

Education is power, education is understanding, but most of all education becomes your own personal capital. Take the excessive pressure off yourself and stop thinking about grades, bills, your parents, etc. Rather, enjoy the process of education. You are opening your mind to a greater world view. Enjoy the journey. Your education is the most important investment you can make in yourself. Do take it seriously though. Focus on the now. Let go of the past. Don't worry about the future. Simply, focus on the now.

Hopefully, this helps.

 

@Gilligan and Walter has a good point. You may have a learning or some other disability. You really need to talk to someone and get this is under control. Trust me, being stubborn and not getting help is the worst thing you can possibly do. I am guilty of it myself, but you need to get help. You may have Anxiety, OCD, ADHD, however only a professional can diagnose the problem and help you. I have ADHD and I know what I have to do. I do not mean to be harsh but you need to man up and do something about this.

 

Thanks for all the replies! I don't have a learning disability. Back in high school, I had the best grades in most of the subjects. It is that failure in the Netherlands that changed something in the studying aspect. However, I can still concentrate and memorize in the fields that I enjoy. For example, I am a big movie fan and I learn and observe websites every day. I also watch couple of movies a day and memorize names, actors, stories and stuff that uninterested people wouldn't. It is just something about the studying that is off and I can't understand what... The failure in the Netherlands made me think that I won't be able to study properly again. A month before dropping out, I also quit smoking there, which normally was helping me to concentrate. Ever since, there was this issue with the studying.

 

First of all, congratulations on your wise decision to return to school! You may not have noticed, but please recognize that you have additional experience, maturity, and reasons for completing your university education this time around. For one thing, you now acknowledge your family and girl friend, so you realize that life is not just about yourself, but about others as well.

I am humbled by all the great advice you (and I) have received so far. Everyone is different, but have you noticed that many of us have similar life experiences? Everyone experiences difficulty in life, and successful people learn from those experiences and focus on what's ahead.

God has a plan for your life. If you know Him and ask Him, He will reveal it to you. His plans always succeed. Nobody or nothing can prevent you from living your life according to His plan. This is the most important thing.

None of us are good at everything, but all of us have special gifts, talents, or abilities. Please remember, you never truly fail until you stop trying. So never, ever, ever give up. Gifts are great, but they don't do you or anyone any good unless you put them into practice by working hard. Hard work always trumps skills, talents, and good intentions.

Your friends will either lift you up or pull you down. Select friends that have similar goals and values. Successful people surround themselves with others. Two people are smarter than one, and it's more fun to share your life with others. Make sure you are in a study group. If you can find one special person to be your mentor, you will be blessed even more. You need one person in your life that you can call at 2 a.m. when you're in the midst of a crisis.

Encourage others. Speak politely and respectfully to everone. Laugh at yourself. Don't blow your car horn at the elderly person in the car in front of you. Think before you speak or react. Forgive quickly. Don't worry about getting even....because you never will. Get enough sleep and take care of yourself. Do all this even when you don't feel like it, but don't beat yourself up --- when --- you mess up. As you practice these things, your self-esteem and self-confidence will grow.

You need money to live, but more money and more stuff doesn't mean more happiness.

Never hesistate to seek professional help. I have done it, and it changed my life for the good. Don't let anyone tell you that you can "tough it out." It's OK to ask for help.

I'm a few years older than you, so I've got more life experience and have made a lot of mistakes. I hope and pray that you will find one or two things here to help you.

Please keep us posted on your journey! You've got a lot of friends here.

 

I had a similar experience.

If you did decent in high school you have enough smarts to get through college. It just takes engagement and hard work. My wife has a PhD and ended her tenure at school with the best grants in her program. But, she dropped out of a program during her undergrad. I've also won multiple academic awards including best student in the program and completed university with high accolades. But, have also dropped out of 2 other programs.

Sometimes, if something is a bad fit, you end up just not being able to get into it. That's probably what happened in the Netherlands. If you have selected marketing because you want to do it then you may end up doing well there. For what it is worth, both my past failures and my wife's failure helped us go into directions that were more challenging and a better fit for us, so I am grateful for the experience. As far as being in debt is concerned, 27 000 pounds is a lot of money, but money well spent whether you finish or not. I don't regret a penny that I spent on school. If your experience increases your earning capacity over the next 20 years even a fraction, then 27 000 pounds is easy to pay off.

The only tip I have is that you immerse yourself in the work as much as possible. In the end, if you work really hard at it you can't fail. When I was doing well in school, I was often up until 3am working. I've seen my wife spend almost every waking hour of the day at times to complete a project. Other students may say they work less or that the projects were easy or that they didn't study for tests - typically they are lying. Work hard and enjoy the experience.

 

Lots of good advice here. May I suggest a specific method to help you remember information? I strongly support using Cornell Notes. The purpose of this method is to make you review your notes with a specific task, instead of just reading them over and over.
You can look up the method online, so I'll just summarize the way I teach them to my students.
1. Divide your paper into two sections, one about twice as big as the other, from top to bottom.
2. Take notes as usual in the larger side
3. After some time passes, later the same day is fine, or the next day, review what you have written and apply it. What I mean is use the smaller side of the page to make connections from these notes to your experience, or to previous notes; you could also predict outcomes and predict exam questions based on these notes.
4. When reviewing for the exam, or perhaps weekly, summarize each section of notes - what are the most important parts of these notes and applications?

The point is, if your brain has to do something with the notes, you are much more likely to internalize their content. As with anything, the more of your own thoughts you include, the more memorable the results.
Good luck!

 

Discipline. Curtail the "extracurriculars" and your study habits should improve.

 

It sounds as if you've matured quite a bit. You're still very young and making mistakes and learning from them is part of growing up. That young man (my son) standing next to me will be starting college this fall too. I know he'll make mistakes but as I've always told him, " life is a learning experience full of teachable moments". Good luck to you, I'm sure you'll do much better this time around.

 

Don't worry about the past attempts and focus on going forward. I made several attempts at college straight out of high school. I was not ready yet. - I went back later and got my degree 20 years after high school. -So I have not doubt it can be done.

 

The best advice I got, before starting college came from my sister (1st, last & only good advice she ever gave me, but advice for which I remain grateful) was about note-taking. You won't take perfect notes in class so do the best you can & then re-write (or type) them ASAP once class is over. I will add to that my own advice, whicch is to take notes in the form of an outline, so you get the key points. Trying to write dowwn everything a professor says is an exercise in futility.
I wish you success!

 

Ironically, I had a biology professor that expected us to write down everything she had on Powerpoint verbatim. I just wrote the key points and she scowled at me and told me to keep writing.

In my communication class, the professor told us not to take notes because we wouldn't be paying attention to the lecture and wouldn't learn anything about listening. Oddly enough, I became a better listener after taking his class.